Month: November 2018

Title The weird story a male programmer told me.

From ExpatEngineer

In a small trip I met a guy who looked really nice and lively and we got along very well. He is a programmer and Im an engineer.
I gave him my phone number to exchange pictures but he started to ask and insist a lot about going for drinks together alone.

At first I didnt know what to think, I thought that he was nice so why not but I got sick. Even when I told him that I was very sick and it would last for 1-2 months, he didnt stop insisting about meeting almost every day. I felt bad for him because I was just declining and it was already one month so I took some time to speak with him over the phone.

It started badly because he made some mean remarks about changing some treats of my personality. Then he said that one of his personality traits is that he wants to conquer the world, I asked him more about it, he said that with his friends and family he´s nice and feels comfortable but that with his enemies he´s a demon. I laughed like he was bragging jokingly but then he insisted that he´s very good at controlling people when it´s necessary. I asked for examples, he told me this weird story:

In his previous company there was “a girl” (and he referred to her all the time like this, never mentioned the words programmer/coder/coworker/engineer) who was “behind him” and she was, according to him, not working at all.
Everything I will tell now is according to him:
He told her in front of a manager that she wasn´t working at all and she started crying. He said that she did it on purpose because she “was hot” and “she knew” that the manager would listen to her instead. He added that “girls” use being hot a lot and that actually the manager tried to use the situation to get closer to her and she tried to get a promotion using him, but she didn´t get one.

The manager was listening to her because “she was hot” and also because “managers in companies don´t want to have complaints of harassment” from “girls” and that “girls” know that they can file one “just to ruin one man”.
He said that, actually, at some point this “girl” offered sex to him in order to tell his manager that he didn´t like her for personal reasons, because he wanted to date her and she didn´t accept it. But that he is “smart enough not to fall into a girl´s trap”.

And that, anyway, after five months he managed to turn everything inside out and he made her apologize to him in front of everybody before being released from the project.

As his story sounded to me more like he was bullying a coworker, I asked him some questions about it.
He said that he thinks that 50 years ago women had to fight for equality but nowadays a lot of “girls” are taking advantage of it to fullfill their dreams. – Which I really didnt understand why it´s a bad thing to try to fullfill your dreams by working in STEM.

He said that he had a close female friend working at the company too, she had a really bad case of sexual harassment, to the point that he started going with her all the time to make her feel safe. He said that she actually helped him a lot too and that she was a like a little sister to him.
Then he added that anyway she was not good at work but now she is studying in one of the best colleges. And that although she was not good at work, at least she was working hard and trying to learn and not “trying to call attention to the fact that she is a girl and roam everybody around her”.

I asked him if he thought that any female programmer was actually good.
He said that he had a female manager who was the best programmer he´s seen and that she taught him everything.

I asked him if he knew any programmer who was in between: not the best, just good, just normal, like any other male coworker.
I tried to explain: “because women usually feel like we have to be the best and do the double or more the work or if not we are not considered as doing good enough.”
He said: ” I believe in equality. But I don´t think that any sex/gender is discriminated”.

Then he wanted to change the topic to something different because he “didnt want to ruin the atmosphere” and I told him that we had spoken too much time already and it was time to do stop speaking and do things I had to do. He said: “well, I see that you´re not capable of multitasking. Not like me, while we were speaking I did my grocery shopping”. Apparently I need lessons even to have a conversation, I´m not good at that.