I have been working on the same project with my (male) advisor for over a year and there have been many setbacks. I was blamed for being slow and making mistakes, when in fact, I was the one who would bring up his mistakes but it seems like he never remembers this. He brought in a male grad student to help me, and of course, no progress is made for months. The male grad student likes to sit in meetings, and engage in math-speak with my advisor while I sit in silence, because I am cut off mid sentence every time I try to say something. When the grad student and I are to collaborate, he wants to go for walks or get coffee rather than actually doing the work. He is curious about my life story, whether I “like” anyone, what I like to cook, etc.
Irritated, I decided to avoid the grad student, took a breather, and ended up fixing up the code for the project and got decent results. My advisor’s response was “See? I told you [grad student’s name here] is useful.” I can’t shake this feeling of resentment, and regret. Why is it so hard to believe that I am not an idiot? I feel like I cannot escape from this stupid box that I’ve been put in, completely undermining everything I do.
A word to professors who have genuine intentions to mentor. We look up to you, so please care, and try to notice how hard we work and all the substantial contributions we make.