Worthless

From Anonymous

This link struck a chord with me because, like one of the women described, my advisor would say things to make me feel worthless and less than the guys in the group who were at the same stage in their careers as me. It was the implication that, “He is good, he will go far. You,.. no expectations.” He even showed his lack of confidence in me by, at the last minute, taking away resources I needed to complete my thesis. At the time, I interpreted/used the criticism as a sort of a shot to get fired up and get the job done, but now, in retrospect, I see it as abuse that my male colleagues never got, abuse which gradually wore me down to the point that after leaving his group and successfully completing 2 independent projects, I quit academic work entirely, even though there was a path forwards and even though I could see that, looking back, I had been smarter than those guys I had been competing with and feeling lesser than. My work was objectively better. My advisors never encouraged me to feel that way though and when my faith in the value of the work waned, I had no ego reserves to bring it back.

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