From Anonymous

Hello, everyone.

I am a 21-year-old female, born in a developing nation (we’re a Middle Income one, to be precise). And everyday I am subject to sexism.

Let’s start with what compelled me to write this rant. I’ve been dating a boy for two and a half years now; he’s a year younger than I am, and we live in neighbouring countries. He is from a Developed Nation, but I am not. It has been hard, trying to keep this long-distance relationship going, and ever since he joined the army, he has begun pressuring me to sleep with him. Now, before you decide that I am impossible for not sleeping with him after 2 and a half years of being together, hear me out. But we’ll get back to that later. Anyway, he began telling me things that hurt; how his men in the army would invite him to trips to the brothel, how they talked about “the fun” they had last night with their women, how he turned away women who “evidently wanted to sleep with him”. Feeling a self-righteousness upon refusing all the above, he tells me REPEATEDLY how bitter he feels because he doesn’t get to sleep with me, pressuring me into it. And that it’s his biggest concern in our relationship.

Now, getting back to what I was saying above: I CAN’T sleep with him. And he knows this; I’ve told him multiple times. He uses emotional blackmail on me now (“I’m bitter, but it’ll go away EVENTUALLY.” ), and it’s making me really depressed. My reasons are simple: I can’t afford to. I’m 21 years old, and in half a million dollars worth of debt. That debt came from my EDUCATION. I come from a family where my “rightful” place- the only things I’m good at- is in the kitchen, or holding a mop. I can’t afford to get pregnant (let’s admit it, contraceptives don’t always work and condoms come with holes sometimes), or the child will suffer the same fate, AND I can’t work to pay off my debt. Abortion is not an option (heck, it’s not even legal in this country!). I work two jobs at the moment while juggling my university matters; life for me is as tough as it gets. Yet, he can’t put himself in my shoes, and all he wants from me these days is sex, and as someone to complain to about how “terrible” his life is, it would seem.

Here, in this country, women are blamed all the time for being too “loose”. When rape happens, it’s because the woman “asked” for it. Why have we become such a sexualized society? Why can’t men think, for once, what women mean when they say “no”? Or why can’t they “love” us enough to RESPECT our bodies?

Girls here are trapped in homes- yes, it still happens. Girls who aren’t allowed to go to school, because it isn’t in their “place” to do so. Because their fathers decided that they don’t deserve it.

Men are such monsters.

3 comments

    1. We understand this point and wondered what to do, but ultimately we decided to include the submission because of what she says re her family’s attitudes toward her education and her consequent lack of opportunity. That’s not a story we see often on this site, but it’s worth being aware that some women, who may have so much to contribute, still really never make it into STEM fields because their families and societies don’t give them the chance.

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  1. Men are not monsters. Some people are monsters. Most unfortunately too often go with the flow, turn a blind eye, and don’t act with empathy.

    Like

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